Janovah: The Golden Age
by Happy Jak
Summary: Prequel to 4, Sequel to 3. Just for fun. Janovah struggles as a young mother in an unhappy marriage while trying to serve her people as the leader of Haven City. Rated M for themes and references, nothing explicit.
1. In Darkness and Prosperity

This is something I've been writing to amuse myself, but I thought I'd share it because I enjoy it so much. This takes place between Janovah 3 and 4, and tells the story in the seven years that pass in that time. Rather than reading like a book like the other stories, it jumps between scenes. It's sorta like reading a movie. :D

AND YES, BEYONCE REFERENCE, GOTTA KEEP IT REAL, GIRL. No shits given.

* * *

><p><p>

Janovah: The Golden Age

Part 1: In Darkness and Prosperity

I watched silently as Samos paced back and forth across the room. My eyes were locked on him, and my hand lay perched on my belly. The small bump was growing. It was time to tell, because very soon I would be unable to hide it. We had been discussing wedding plans, and he was now stroking his long white beard while clunking in his log shoes around and around nervously while rambling.

"Too fast," he insisted. "I would agree it would be a joyous occasion for the city and it would speak for your family values, but thinking of your future, it's much too soon. There are other things to focus on. And you might want this now, but you're young and easily changeable."

My gaze shifted on to Onin. Although blind, her white, empty eyes were locked on me. I knew that she knew. Her gaze was almost disdainful. Pecker was perched atop her head, his eyes following Samos' pacing like clockwork, only pausing for an occasional yawn, trying to nudge at the idea that he was bored and just wanted a nap.

"There's no reason to rush into this, Janovah," he said. "There's always time for this later. He's not going anywhere, you know."

"Yes there is," I said quietly. My eyes dropped to the floor. The clunking stopped. I felt all eyes on me. I looked up at them; Samos stopped in his tracks, Onin still fixated on me, Pecker still bored, and Kat sitting quietly in the corner. She already knew; her face was of concern and sympathy. It was slightly comforting.

"I'm pregnant," I gasped.

Samos' mouth fell open. "You...what?" he said.

There was silence. I needed to say something to stop this tension.

"Torn's the father," I explained. "I'm only maybe twelve weeks along."

"Do you realize what you have done?" Samos breathed. "What kind of shame this would bring onto you if this were revealed? Even if you married him tomorrow, how would you explain a term sized baby that's supposed to be twelve weeks premature? And given what kind of tremendous physical trauma you have put your body through, I'm shocked you didn't miscarry. You're not ready for this. The physical trauma, emotional trauma of the last couple of years...how could you possibly be equipped to deal with a child?"

"She could terminate," Kat said. She looked at me again. "I know you wouldn't, but I'm just putting that out there. I think Samos might be right...I mean, we're all so lost. I know how much Torn wants this, I see the way he looks at you, but there is time for this in the future. We have a future now, as impossible as that seems. He would understand, he loves you."

"I can't do that," I said. "This future wouldn't be possible without this baby. I would still be under the curse or worse. It saved us all, it wouldn't be fair to end its life before it's even begun, considering everything it's done for us."

"I can't believe this," Samos mumbled. His eyes fell to the floor. "We will have to make this wedding happen fast, then. It's only proper, even if people will talk. We'll have to work even harder to earn credibility now, considering the opposition."

"Opposition?" I asked.

"There are those who are calling out for the abolition of the monarchy," he said. "In favor of a more democratic government. They want the leader to be elected rather than chosen based on birth."

"If they held these elections," I said. "Could I win? Would I have a chance?"

"Not at all," he said. "You are their enemy. As far as they're concerned, you're a child with no experience on puppet strings."

"Not far from the truth," I mumbled.

"Excuse me?" he said, his temper rising. "If it weren't for our guidance, where do you think you'd be? They would have overthrown you a long time ago. Seeing as you just admitted to premarital and unprotected fornication resulting in an accidental pregnancy, our guidance is still very well needed."

"What I do or don't do with my body shouldn't be anyone's business," I said.

"Everything you do is everyone's business," he said. "You're the icon, the face of our city. You're the representation of Haven City's moral fiber, the heart and soul. It's your job to provide them with hope and happiness reflecting from your actions and your life."

"I sure do suck at my job," I said.

"You need to improve your attitude," he said. "And start conducting yourself in a proper manner, or else everything we worked so hard to build will be doomed."

Torn walked into the room quietly. As he came close to Samos, Samos took his large wooden cane and struck him over the head. Torn grabbed his head and howled.

"Fool!" Samos yelled. "Giving into your barbaric impulses! She is a child and my granddaughter, be thankful I didn't turn you into a rat like Daxter!" Samos struck him over the head once more and turned to leave. Torn sat on his knees, clutching his head.

"Come Kat, we're leaving," Samos said. He waved his cane and lifted Onin's perch with a stream of green eco, and guided it with him out of the room.

"Yes grandpa," she said, getting up. "I'll see you later Jan."

I smiled at her as she exited the room. Torn got up and sat down next to me.

"So I see you told him," he said, placing his arm around my shoulders.

"Yeah," I said. "I'll be dancing down the aisle in a poofy white dress in no time. Can't be a blushing bride with an illegitimate baby bump, I suppose."

"You're actually going to wear a dress? For me? I'm shocked!"

"Yeah, I'll do it," I sighed.

"Aren't you happy?" he said. "We have everything we ever wanted. Samos might be angry but it will blow over."

"I'm not happy," I said. "I don't know why. I just feel, helpless, somehow."

He gently gripped my chin with his thumb and forefinger and kissed me gently. I remembered one reason I was so unhappy; the warmth that once radiated my body with every touch was fading, slowly. It seemed there was a distance, growing day by day. The fluttering feeling deep in the pit of my gut was gone. Truth be told, at times, I began to doubt my love. I began to question if the marriage was really what I wanted. But I had no choice now. If I wanted to keep my child, I had to marry him. I couldn't do what I wanted now. I had to do what made everyone else happy.

* * *

><p><p>

I sat across from Kat at the dining table, just the two of us, alone in the massive hall, late at night. She was sipping a glass of wine, while I was drinking plain water. My uncertainty still clung to me.

"You look awfully gloom for someone about to get married tomorrow," she said. I shrugged.

"Could I tell you something?" I asked.

"I can't believe you're even asking," she said.

"I don't know if this is what I want," I said. "To be honest, if it weren't for my current situation, I probably wouldn't go through with it."

"But I thought you guys were sure?" she said. "It's all you were able to talk about a few weeks ago."

"The afterglow seems to be wearing off," I said. "Something is different now, between us. He seems to feel the same as he ever did but I...I just don't know anymore. I met him when I was sixteen, and I'm a different person now. But he's my first love, isn't this how it's supposed to be?"

"He might be your first love, but he probably won't be your last," she said. "I kinda saw this coming...we all did...but I didn't wanna pooh pooh on your happiness."

"What's happened to me?" I said.

"You grew up, we both did."

"I feel so much different than I did back then," I said. "Back when this all began, I was so innocent, so happy not knowing anything."

"Isn't growing up a bitch?" she said.

"No," I said. "It lets you see the truth. Happiness seems to be harder to come by, but it's real when it does. I know who I am, now. I just wish I knew what I wanted."

"I think you already do."

"I can't get out of marrying him," I said. "I made the choice to keep the baby and now I have to do what's right. For all of us."

"I would really hate to have your job," she said, jokingly.

"Tell me about it," I said. "I wish I could just throw him in the freezer and thaw him out when I'm ready to face this."

"This is your second wedding and you're still not happy," she smiled.

"Suck my dick," I said.

"Shave your balls first."

"Must be nice to be single," I said.

"99 problems but a bitch ain't one," she laughed. "All the single ladies, all the single ladies."

"Guess he liked me."

* * *

><p><p>

I stood in the mirror, looking at the monstrous, poofy, white gown clinging to my body. Whenever I took a step I could hear the material shifting.

"You're no fun at all," the fitter said jokingly. "I was told to expect resistance, even biting or scratching. But you just cooperated and acted completely indifferent."

I smiled. "Okay, if you try to put me in high heels, I'll poke your eyes out with them."

"That's more like it," she smiled. I appreciated her trying to humor me. "It's okay. I got you flats. You're tall enough as it is."

She handed me a pair of silver, flat sandal-like shoes. I slipped them on my feet. She placed the tiara and veil on my head.

"There," she said. "Now we have the full effect."

I looked at myself up and down. My hair was soft and flowing to my shoulders, with a braid circling my head. The dress fit well, accentuating curves I weren't aware were even there. The skirt fell past my ankles and extended out in a poofy curtain around my hips and legs. I looked like a faerie princess, certainly not what I was used to. Light, pastel make up was applied to my eyes and my face was evened out with foundation and blush. I looked like a legitimate blushing bride.

"I will make a dainty garland for my head and sing!" I laughed, making a ridiculous face.

"Most brides I dress cry their make up off three times with utter joy of the biggest day of their lives," she said. "You're about to marry your prince charming and you can't take it seriously. I love it."

"How can I take this seriously?" I said. "This is ridiculous. I'm not a poofy, crying bride."

"You're more of a naked in a field of flowers bride," she said.

"Exactly!" I said. "And my honeymoon should be a bed-in, where we lie around naked in bed for a month and do nothing but have lots of sex."

"I would love to do a naked wedding," she said. "I wish you would marry me."

I laughed hysterically. "If my grandfather heard us talking, he'd fire you immediately and lock me in a nunnery until I was 30."

"Good thing your sister was the one to hire the fitter," she said.

As though on cue, the door opened and shut as Kat walked through the door. My maid of honor was dressed in a light blue, flowing gown, and her red-brown hair was done up in beautiful curls. She was definitely a poofy, crying bride. This should have been her wedding, I thought.

"Oh wow!" she said. "Jan, you look so beautiful."

I stepped down off the pedestal and strode over to her. I embraced her in a quick hug.

"I was just talking to your friend here about how this should be a naked wedding," I said. The fitter laughed from the corner. "I think she's enraptured. She proposed."

"Tara!" Kat exclaimed. "Cheating on me with my sister! You disappoint me."

"Don't worry my love," Tara said. "One day I'll give you your poofy wedding but I want the honeymoon to be in Kras city, so we can scare the big bad race drivers with our lesbian love!"

"You guys aren't kidding, are you?" I asked.

"I figured since it was your wedding day, and today is all about love, it might be time to tell you."

Tara walked over and stood by Kat, taking her hand.

"This is my girlfriend," she said. "Please don't be mad. I know some people are on the fence about this."

"You lied to me," I said. "You can't sing 'Single Ladies'. Lesbian relationships still count."

"So you're not mad?" she asked.

"Not at all!" I said. "Love is love, and if what you have is real, I'll be happy to be your maid of honor when it's your turn. But just as long as I get to be naked."

She laughed with relief. "The hard part is, Mom and Grandpa would shit bricks. I think they'd disown me if we threw a naked gay wedding."

The door opened again. I turned to look; a young man, dressed in military garb, stepped through the door and shut it behind him. He began to walk towards me. He was very handsome. He was tall with short, dark hair, and piercing blue eyes. His smile was freakishly perfect. He stopped in front of me, took my hand and bowed to one knee. He kissed my hand. I could feel my fingers tingle with the contact. He stood back up and looked straight into my eyes. He was slightly taller than me, with his broad shoulders hovering over mine. I hardly noticed he still was holding my hand.

"Majesty," he said. "Might I say, you are quite breathtaking in your dress. It's an honor for me to walk you down the aisle today."

"Thank you," I said. "You must be the new general I approved. Lor, is it?"

"Yes madam," he said.

He let go of my hand and it fell limp by my side.

"I should go out to the altar now," I heard Kat say. As she exited the room I could hear her suppress a giggle.

"It's time," he said. "Shall we?" he offered me his arm.

I entwined my arm in his. He handed me a bouquet of white flowers that I held in my free hand. The large, double doors opened and the sun hit my eyes. There was a path in the middle covered by a long, blue carpet. Rows of seats lined each side. We began to slowly step forward. And then he whispered into my ear.

"You shouldn't be making bedroom eyes to another man on your wedding day." My ears tickled with his breath on my face. I smiled and gasped, and looked at him briefly.

"I was doing no such thing, General," I said. "You assume way too much and you are quite full of yourself."

"Am I?" he jokingly said. "Well I do apologize, madam."

I smiled and bit my lip.

At the end of the aisle, I could see Torn beaming at me. I was beaming too, but not because of him. We reached the platform. Lor turned to me and lifted my veil. My heart raced as my eyes connected with his again. I handed my bouquet off to Kat, and Lor gave my hand to Torn.

"Dear citizens of Haven City," the priest began. "We are here today to join our Queen and her beloved in the sanctity of marriage. For many years, this sacred tradition has brought our people together in joy. After the struggles of the years past, it has become more important than ever. Unity, love and compassion fill our hearts today as our graceful and omniscient Queen takes her vows binding her to whom she loves most. Now let us begin."

"Majesty," Torn began, in his raspy voice. "I have come to offer you my love and to ask for your hand in marriage. If you accept my plea, I will swear to forever love you, cherish you, and care for you in prosperity and darkness. Do you accept?"

I took a breath. "I do," I gasped.

"Queen Janovah, leader and governess of Haven City," the priest continued. "Do you swear to take this man as your one true lover, to honor and cherish for all the days of your life, to keep in prosperity and darkness, and to bring forth life?"

"Yes."

"By the authority given unto me by her majesty, I declare you married by the law of Haven City."

He pulled me forward into a kiss, his arms wrapping around my waist and clinging to my back. He ran his hands through my hair, his head leaning on mine.

"I love you," he whispered into my ear.

The musicians burst into a cheerful tune. He grasped my hand, his fingers curling around mine. We turned and began to walk back into the palace.

Once inside, the doors shut behind us. We stood in the empty hall alone. An awkward silence filled the air.

"You're beautiful," he said.

"Thank you," I said.

"You don't look happy."

"I am happy. I couldn't be happier."

The door from the other end of the room opened abruptly. I could see my mother, Keira, practically running over to me.

"Oh, my heart is breaking!" She squealed. "That was so beautiful. My two pretty babies up there! I'm gushing. I can't wait until it's your sister's turn! This is marvelous."

Samos walked up behind her and touched her arm briefly.

"You practically killing people to get in here," Samos said to his daughter.

"Oh daddy, isn't she gorgeous?"

"Quite."

Mother turned her attentions to Torn. "If you hurt my baby, I'll kill you," she said. "That being said, I'm so happy for you two. And your baby is going to be beautiful. I hope it's a girl! I would love a little granddaughter milling around. What do you think, daddy?"

"For the love of Mar," said. "No more girls, please."

She giggled, and Torn smiled.

"Personally, I'd love to have a son," he said. "A little man, just like me."

"Girls are cuter," mother insisted."Little pink onsies and little dolls and stuffed animals!"

"We'll find out in a few weeks," I said. All the speculation was making me uncomfortable. "I will be happy as long as it doesn't come out a mutant or something."

"Come ladies," Samos said. "Let's go to the feast now, everyone is waiting."

* * *

><p><p>

Torn shut the door quietly behind us. I stood, looking at the bed. My wedding night, I knew what to expect to happen. He approached from behind. He placed his hands on my shoulders and started kissing at my ear gently. He nuzzled my neck gently and then turned me around. I was nervous, but prepared. I was ready for this. He kissed me gingerly on the lips. He pulled me closer to him. I had to remind myself to place my hands on his arms. He deepened the kiss, moving his hands to my back. Slowly, he began to untie the lace holding the dress together. He slid his fingers under the straps and pulled them off my shoulders, letting the dress fall to a limp pile on the floor. His breathing became rapid as he backed me onto the bed. I fell on my back on the cool sheets. He climbed on top of me, running his hands on every plane of my body.

Hand-in-hand, we consumated our vows. When it was over, I lay breathless wrapped in the silk sheets. I lay on my side, facing the room, in a daze. He turned over and pulled me into an embrace, kissing my head.

"I love you," he sighed.

* * *

><p><p>

I sat in the chair in my room, seated next to the window. My hands lay on belly, which now prevented me from seeing little more than my toes. The summer sun kissed my face, warming me thoroughly.

The door open and shut. I looked up. Torn stood in front of me.

"Well?" he said expectantly.

"Congrats," I said. "It's a boy."

He strode over to me and kissed me quickly and then kissed my belly.

"I knew it," he sighed. "Janosikah, my special boy."

"I'm sure my mother's already turned his wing of the Palace blue."

"I wish I could have been there for your check-up," he said. "I had meetings and such, it's like there's not enough hours in the day. How is the baby doing?"

"Doc says he's right on track, but thinks I need to be gaining more weight."

"He said so again?" Torn said. "He told you that last time. Why aren't you eating more like he said?"

"I'm already huge," I said. "I feel so sick all the time, I can't stand the idea of eating, especially when I look at this tank I got going on."

"Suck it up," he said. "You need to keep this baby healthy."

"Suck it up?" I said, annoyed. "How about a little sympathy here? I'm the one carrying a baby whale in my body."

"Stop talking like that," he said. "Your attitude is getting tiring."

"So we're gonna have that discussion again?" I said. My attitude had been a common topic for our arguments that had been increasing in frequency and intensity.

* * *

>"No," he said. "You'll get upset over nothing and it could hurt the baby. Instead I'm going to talk to the baby." He started to mumble sweet nothings to my belly, which sometimes quivered in response. The kicks and flutters made him jump with excitement.<p><p>

The pain in my abdomen ripped through me with each contraction. Sweat was plastered to my face. Kat was holding my hand and had been there sleeplessly through the night, sitting by the bed. The doctor was at the foot of the bed, inspecting the labor as it progressed.

"Okay, you're fully dilated," he said.

"It's finally time?" I gasped.

"Yup, it's time to push, Majesty."

"Oh finally!" I breathed.

"Now when you feel a contraction, push, okay?" I nodded in response.

Torn was standing behind the doctor, watching the birth happen. Another contraction ripped at me. I screamed as my muscles tensed, trying to push the life form from my body.

"Torn!" I yelled. "Come hold my hand, please!"

"I want to watch this," he said.

"Stop looking at my va-jay-jay and get your ass over here NOW!"

He kept standing there, watching.

"I've been in labor for 26 hours," I pleaded. "Please!"

Before I could even wait for an answer, a hand took mine; I looked up and saw Lor standing next to me, clutching my free hand. I felt the pain of a contraction tear through me once more and squeezed both hands I was holding, screaming. I could feel the veins in my head and neck swell.

"The head is crowning," the doctor said. "One more big push."

I was gasping for air, completely exhausted. I was light headed, and I could feel my fingers and toes tingling.

"Come on Janovah," Torn said. "It's just one more."

"I...I..I just need...Just need a minute," I breathed.

"Give her some oxygen," the doctor said. "How's her blood pressure?"

Kat eyeballed the monitor. "It's low," she said.

I closed my eyes and felt a mask cover my nose and mouth.

"If we don't get this baby out fast, he's going to go into distress," the doctor said.

"Come on Janovah! Pull it together!" Torn shouted.

"Back off!" Kat said.

"Don't tell me back off, this is my child an-"

"Enough!" I heard Lor yell. He crouched beside me and spoke gently.

"You're almost there," he said. "Just one more, okay?"

"I can't," I gasped. "I'm...I'm too tired."

"You can do this, okay? I promise."

"Hokay," I gasped. I sat back up, ready for one more push.

"Ready?" he said. I nodded.

"One...two..."

I screamed like I never screamed before. The pain was immense, radiating my entire body. I pushed with my last bit of strength, until I felt a release. I breathed and fell back onto the bed. My world went black. I was hardly able to move at all. The room was spinning around me. I could hear voices like echoes. In the background I heard squalling and cries of joy. And then voices of concern.

"She's hemorrhaging," the doctor said. "Hand me that suture kit, and the syringe."

"You did splendidly," Lor said into my ear. "He's so healthy. You should be proud."

I felt light stroking on my head.

"Okay, Majesty, I'm about to inject a local anesthesia into the sight of the bleeding. It's going to hurt but bear with me," the doctor said. I felt an intense burning. I moaned in pain, too exhausted and ill to scream.

"It's okay," Lor said. "The pain will be over soon."

I felt numbness and pressure as the doctor worked on me. Slowly I felt I could open my eyes. The light pierced through me. Gradually the world came back into focus.

"There," the doctor said. "Fixed the bleed. Good as new."

"Where is my husband?" I mumbled.


	2. The End of a Beautiful Love

Part 2: The End of a Beautiful Love

I lay in bed, exhausted even after ten hours of sleep after the birth. I had not seen Torn since he disappeared. My head was foggy from the drugs I was given, but they had made the pain subside. The door to my bedroom opened. Lor came through, holding a tray, made of silver with a matching cup perched on it. I smiled.

"Kat really does know me," I said. "I sent her for food and she sends it with a handsome General."

He smiled and shut the door with his leg. He came over and placed the tray in my lap.

"Cheeseburger and potato wedges, just like you asked," he said. I took one of the wedges off the plate and popped it in my mouth. The warm, salty goodness filled my mouth.

"And water with a bendy straw, of course."

"You're a god among men," I said. "I would think you would have so many important duties to worry about, and here you are, taking care of little old me."

"I have all the time in the world for my Queen," he said. "And my bowel movements are none of your concern, madam."

I burst out into laughter.

"Duty. Doody. Get it?" He said.

"I sure do," I smiled.

"If you need anything else, just yell," he said. "And you berate and belittle me all you like, given what you've been through the last couple of days."

"I'm quite fine, working slave. I'll summon your bitch ass if I can think of anything."

"Getting the hang of it, I see. Well, I'll check back up on you later."

"Wait," I said. I grabbed his arm.

"What's with the frown, suddenly? What is it?"

"Come here," I pulled him to his knees right next to me. I leaned in close to him.

"Lor?" I said.

"At your service, madam?"

"Why do you like me?"

He looked at me directly, his eyes almost sparkling.

"What's not to like?"

I leaned my head on his, and without thinking, my lips collided with his. They were big and soft, but still firm. I felt a rush fill my veins and fill my body. We parted momentarily only to pull together again. But suddenly, I heard footsteps come down the hall. We stopped immediately. He got up and straightened himself up, and I leaned back onto the pillows. The door opened. Torn came through the entryway, carefully carrying a bundle in his arms. Soft coos and gurgling noises came from the squirming creature wrapped in the blankets.

"I will report to you later for further instruction, Madam," Lor said suddenly, walking towards the door. He cleared his throat abruptly and nodded at Torn.

"Your Grace," he said.

"General," Torn nodded in response.

Lor exited the room, closing the door behind him. Torn shuffled over to me slowly and then handed me the the bundle. I took it carefully in my arms, taking care to cradle the baby's head.

The baby's face was round and full, and his eyes were bright and green. He had a tuft of reddish hair crowning his head. He had my nose, I could tell.

"Hey there Janny," I said softly. "Welcome to the world."

"He was a whopper," Torn said. "A whole nine pounds, five ounces."

"No complications?" I asked.

"Not one," he said. "Despite everything, he's a sturdy young lad."

I continued to stroke his hair and nuzzle him softly. I got a whiff of the rumored "new baby smell"; it was as enchanting as I'd heard.

"What a little heartbreaker," I said. "So adorable. Samos and my mother need to see him."

"They already have," he said. "They came down to the nursery to visit while you were resting."

"Oh," I said. I had wanted to be there for the first glimpse everyone took. I was the very last to see him.

"Next time, I get first dibs," I said. "If I have to carry it, I get to see everyone's reactions."

"So, you haven't changed your mind then?" Torn asked.

"About what?"

"Breastfeeding. You're not going to nurse him yourself?"

"Well, it definitely wouldn't be a good idea now," I said. "I'm pumped full of narcotics for the pain. Having your hoo-hoo stitched up kinda hurts, ya know?"

"Hmph," he grumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said. "I need to take him back down to get checked up and fed."

"He looks fine, I don't think he's hungry," I said. "You can't wait an hour or two? I haven't gotten to spend any time with him, and I'm on bedrest for the next couple of days so I can't go down there."

"He's probably tired, though."

"I have arms. I can hold him while he sleeps."

"Janovah, give him to me."

"What's wrong?" I said. His apprehension was bothering me greatly. "Just because I don't want him biting on my nipples doesn't mean I'm gonna eat him or anything."

"You're not in any condition to doing this right now, so please just give him to me."

I sighed. I didn't want another argument. So I handed him slowly back to his father.

"Make sure you support the head," he said.

"I got it."

Torn took Janosikah back into his arms and headed out the door. I knew what he had meant by my "condition"; he had made it increasingly aware to me that he thought me to be emotionally unstable and that I was "different" than before. These jabs hurt me. I was very emotionally fit when anyone else would be a mess.

* * *

><p><p>

I crept down the hall, quietly. It was the middle of the night, and I was all alone. This was not something I was supposed to do, but I had to go alone. I targeted the door I wanted. I softly put my ear to the wood; I heard nothing, aside from soft shuffling. I rapped softly. I waited a moment, and the door cracked open. A blue eye peered at me from behind it.

"Janovah," Lor whispered. "What are you doing?"

"Let me in," I whispered back.

"Are you all alone?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"It's not safe for you to be creeping about at night like this."

"Well, you can escort me on the way back."

"You know there are people out there who want to hurt you."

"Yeah, yeah," I said. "Now as your sovereign, I command you to let me enter your quarters."

He opened the door wide and led me inside quickly. His apartment was small, but in a cozy sort of way. It was warm and dark, unlike my own room, which was wide and bright, constantly.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I wanted to talk to you about what happened a couple of weeks ago," I said. "In my room, while I was in bed."

"Oh," he sighed. "I apologize, it was out of line for me to take advantage of you like that."

"No," I said. "It was my idea. I kissed you first."

"I'm sure it was the drugs talking," he said. "I know you wouldn't commit infidelity of your volition."

I looked up straight into his eyes. They twinkled in the moonlight. I stepped closer, where I could barely feel his breath on my forehead.

"What if it wasn't?" I whispered. "What if I would?"

I touched his cheek with my fingertips, tracing down the plane to his lips. He seemed to shiver with the contact. I placed my hands on his shoulders and kissed him softly. The rush again filled me, making me tingle in every nerve. He took a step back, breathing, almost in panic.

"I can't do this," he said.

"Please," I begged. "I think I might be in love with you."

"And I reciprocate those feelings, in every way, believe me, I do," he said. "But I couldn't take advantage of your fragile condition."

"My condition?" I said, frustrated. "Has Torn told you anything about my 'condition'?"

"He may have mentioned it once or twice."

"It's true, I am unhappy," I said, tears filling my eyes. "But I wasn't unhappy until I married him. I'm not unhappy because I'm damaged or traumatized. I'm unhappy because he makes me unhappy. He doesn't trust me to hold my own child. He insists when I make a silly joke or do something that isn't serious that I'm covering up some kind of horrible secret pain. I'm not. It's who I am. It's who I am when I try to be happy."

"Give him time," he said. "Maybe he'll come around."

"He's forty," I insisted. "There's no coming around or changing for him. He knows what he wants and what he expects."

"I can't jeopardize your marriage," he said. "A marriage you worked so hard to build."

"There wasn't anything hard about it," I said. "I took the easy way out. I gained my credibility by choosing not to have my child out of wedlock instead of earning it. I could justify it by saying I'm setting a good moral example, but I'm not. I settled. My father, Jak, Mar, would not have let me settle. I want more."

I took his hands in mine. "I want you."

"It's impossible," he insisted. "Adultery would destroy your reputation, no matter how hard you worked to get it back."

"Nobody has to know."

"But we would know. No matter how unhappy he makes you now, you know there was once a time that he made you the happiest woman alive. You can't look in that beautiful child's face and deny that. He fought to protect you. You can't go behind his back and hurt him like that. You owe him more than that, Janovah. Even if he is a pompous jerk."

"But I don't want him anymore. I don't want this life I have. I want the life that makes me happy."

"You have to work to get the things you want," he said. "The easiest things in life to get are the things you don't really want that much.

"Okay," I sighed. "Then I have another idea."

"What is it?" he said.

"What if I got a divorce?"

"What?" he said, flabbergasted. "That's unheard of."

"No, it's not," I said. "Other monarchs have done it. My father divorced Ashlein. I'll give him whatever he wants. Money, housing, honor, split custody, just as long as he leaves."

"But would he leave?" he said. "You know the other party must agree to it in a royal divorce. It's traditional to make the split at least appear amicable. Torn is not the amicable sort of man. You're right, he knows what he wants. He wants you. And I'm sure he'll fight to his dying breath to keep you."

"What if he did?" I said. "What I got him to leave? Would you be with me?"

He sighed. "I suppose...I suppose if you got your divorce, my qualms would be null and void."

"Promise me," I said. "Promise me that if this works, you'll be with me."

"I promise."

I stepped forward and embraced him. He ran his hands through my hair as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Just a taste," I said. "Just one night...please."

"I can't," he whispered.

I stepped back, the tears now overflowing and streaming down my face. Frustration at being denied the thing I wanted more than anything at that moment.

"As your Queen," I choked. "I'm commanding you to make love to me. Right now."

"No," he said. I could tell that denying me hurt him as well. "I must stick to my convictions."

I sighed and stepped quickly towards the door. I stepped out in a hurry, striding down the hall. I heard footsteps chasing me. He caught up to me, walking close.

"I can't let you go alone," he said. "You said I could walk you back."

"That I did."

"Listen," he said. "I told you. If the situations becomes right, I promised you we'd be together. And I swear that I will give you all the love making you want. Until you're sore."

I smiled slightly through the tears.

"And perhaps," he said. "I could see you round with my child."

"You just want to get me fat so I won't leave you too."

He laughed, a bright chuckle echoing down the hall.

* * *

><p><p>

I sat across from Samos, Lor, and Ret, the newly appointed secretary. This was our first official meeting as a functioning government.

"Madam," Ret began. "I have something for you. I think you will be pleased."

"Show it to me, Secretary. I love good news," I said.

He smiled and pulled a document from his breifcase. "Your first official legislative act as sovereign. The bill to abolish capital punishment and torture. I was told you were strongly opposed to it."

"They told you right," I said.

"I have spoken with my advisors and they've all approved it. Take a look at it."

He handed me the paper. It was printed on fine stationary in neat, fancy text. I read through the flowery language and found an organized system of jail sentences instead of death, and opportunities for clemency for those willing to change their ways. I was very pleased indeed.

"It's a fine piece of work," I said. "I'm happy to have this as my first law passed."

"Just sign at the bottom," he said.

"Give me that pen," I said. "I'll sign the hell out of it."

He handed me shiny, guilded pen with the emblem of my house on it. At the bottom, I signed my name with as many embellishments as I could add. It had to be a signature worthy of the bill.

"You need to sign it Janovah II. You're Janovah the second," he said. "Your great-great grandmother was th first. And put 'Queen Regnant' right below."

I signed as he said. I looked at the paper in my hands. I felt a sense of pride swell in me. I handed it back to him. He took the paper and laid it out in front of him. He reached over to a hot can inf front of him and poured a molten gold liquid onto the paper. Using a stamp, he pressed the seal of Mar into the wax.

"Aren't most seals red?" I asked.

"They are," he said. "We chose gold because of what people predict your rule to be."

"What's that?"

"They say it will be a golden age," he said. As the wax dried, he set the paper aside and folded his hands. He looked at me seriously.

"We do have some pressing matters to discuss," he said. "I have spoken with the Chancellor of the Exchequer and it would appear that we have no funds to speak of. We have been offered a substantial loan from the city-state of Franerik, but there's always interest involved in paying back that sort of debt. Accepting this loan could also hurt our alliance with Kras City. We need to funds to be able to rebuild the city. We have substantial property damage in both the private and government sectors. Our situation is also complicated by the fact that the economy is stagnate. Jobs are few and far between, and there's no money circulating."

"What kind of a threat is Kras City?" I asked. "If this made them so angry that they felt they should attack us, could we defend ourselves?"

"Absolutely," Lor said. "Kras is a corrupt place. It's run by gangs, not the actual government. Loyalties in their military are all over the place. They're lucky Franerik hasn't stamped them out. Although our military is wounded, it's still rather functional."

"This is what I propose, then," I said. "We accept the loan from Franerik, but we use as much of the money as possible to hire the working class to rebuild the city. We would need construction workers, architects, even white collar workers to manage things. It would supply them with income to breathe life into our economy and it would rebuild the wreckage."

"It's a gamble," he said. "But the results could be marvelous. I'm sure there are some who would be opposed, particularly those in favor of Democracy. However, I think it's an excellent plan."

"There's one more thing," I said. "I want to reduce the spending of my own household. As much as I can, as long as I can keep all my staff in my employ. I don't need a life of such excess."

"Indeed," he smiled. "A golden age."

"I had discussed this over brunch with Torn, and I think you'll like this idea," Samos started in. "I think it would be splendid if you distributed alms to the poor. It's a tradition of the Monarchs and with your own personal spending cuts, you could give them more than before. And the way they would see it, you're giving them the money from your own pocket."

"I love it," I said. "It's a great idea. I would love to bring happiness to my people."

"I will meet with the exchequer and draw up plans," he said. "That is all the business I have for today. I will call you back when I have the plans ready for you to approve."

"I look forward to it," I said.

Ret and Lor got up from their chairs. Ret bowed deeply and Lor smiled warmly. They exited the room quietly. Samos also got up to leave.

"Grandfather, wait," I said. "I have something else I need to ask you. Privately."

"What is it?" he asked. He sat down again.

"Please don't be angry with me for suggesting this, I have thought it over."

"What's the matter?"

"Is it possible I could obtain a divorce?"

He looked at me, and sighed. He didn't say anything. He just gave a long, deep sigh.

"It's not just because of our personal problems," I explained. "Though there are many. I feel he's trying to undermine me and every turn. He constantly questions my actions, and always argues with me about my 'condition' or my 'attitude'. He doesn't even trust me to hold the baby by myself. My own child. I know you tried to talk me out of it, but I wanted to do what was right, and live up to moral standards you set for me."

"This is my fault," he said. "All my fault. I was much too hard on you. I should have seen the potential you have and are living up to. I can agree that his behavior is unacceptable; even though he is your husband, you are still his Queen and he is bound to obey you. But it's only been a year. So I am asking you to wait, wait a little longer. I will speak with him and see if I can't help him understand that you are fit to hold the position that you do. Just give it more time, see if you can't rekindle the bond you once had."

"Okay," I conceded. "Talk to him. Maybe some outside perspective will repair this."

"And Janovah," he said. "If you decide to move forward with this, don't do it for the charms of another man. Don't do it to seek a marriage to another. Do it so you can be married to your people."

"And if I decide to move forward?"

"I'll help you in every way possible."

* * *

><p><p>

I sat, in my room, gazing into the night sky out of the window. It was getting cold outside once more. I enjoyed the fall. I loved to watch the end of one cycle of life and the segway into another. It seemed to fit my situation perfectly. Samos' words stuck with me, radiating through my head, buzzing in my ears: "Do it so you can be married to your people."

The door swung open with a gusto, hitting the wall with a loud bang. The door slammed shut. I didn't need to look to see who it was.

"You want a divorce?" Torn growled. I turned to see him, scowling, furious.

"I was merely thinking of it," I said, calmly. "I feel that if I can't make you understand how I am, and that I am okay, we will very soon reach the end of our relationship."

"Don't lie to me," he said. "Are you having an affair? Do you want to get rid of me so you can screw around with another man? Because I will not let that happen."

I got up and approached him. "How dare you question me?" I said. "You constantly imply that I'm not fit or that I'm not worthy to make my own decisions about my city or even about my life! I told you, I was thinking about it, and no, I am not having an affair."

"I see the way the General looks at you," he scathed. "He always finds himself alone with you, or you with him."

"He is my friend," I said, my anger growing. "He's a trusted companion who has always supported me with whatever choices I've made. Maybe you should take after your betters!"

"Shut your mouth!" he bellowed. "You're so selfish! So ungrateful!"

"I am your sovereign and you will not speak to me that way," I hissed. "Get out of my sight! I command you!"

"No!" He punched the wall. A boom echoed through the wall. "You belong to me and nobody else!"

"I belong to no one! I am not yours to own!"

There was a quick flash and strike. Pain erupted in my cheek. Tears spilled over my eyes, making wet, warm streaks down my face. He had hit me, slapped me. I looked back up at him; his eyes were wide with shock. He was breathing fast and shallow. I could tell that he couldn't believe what he had just done. My fingers began to tingle and twitch. I looked down to see my skin growing pale, and my nails darkening and growing longer. I knew what was about to happen.

"Leave. Now," I gasped.

"Janovah," he sighed.

"I SAID LEAVE!" The voice that screamed that was deep and primal. Streaks of purple energy radiated from my body, wrapping and twisting around me. He stood, stunned, terrified. One of the streaks twisted out from my chest, ricocheting around the room. It came back around in a circle and struck Torn on his arm. He yelped in pain, grabbing his arm. He leaped for the door, throwing it open with as much force as he could muster. He bounded down the hall, gasping, sobbing, desperately. I fell to the floor. My head felt full and heavy. The dark incarnation that had ruled my body in that moment began to ebb away. The feeling of intense, undulating energy in the core of my chest slowly evened out and disappeared. I could still hear his fearful wailing echoing in my ears.

I had won the fight, but at what cost?

* * *

><p><p>

I lay crumpled on the bed, exhausted. The room was dark, quiet. It reflected the hole I felt inside of me. It was a deep swallow in the core of my soul that no light could penetrate. The wedding vows I had taken just twelve months previous resonated soundlessly. "In darkness in prosperity." In darkness...There was no darkness like this I had ever encountered, and the love I swore to bear in this time had left me. It was a void filled only with hatred, resentment, and frustration. I came to realize that the marriage I was seeking to end had already dissolved; it had crumbled long before I made my decision, perished into nothing but sorrowful emptiness.

The door opened once more, but this time, softly. It closed with barely a sound. I felt weight fall and shift onto the bed. A quiet, raspy voice penetrated the perpetual silence.

"I know you didn't mean to hurt me," Torn said. "I pushed you. I hurt you first. I'm sorry."

"'Sorry' isn't enough anymore," I whispered.

"Do you still love me?" he said.

I sighed and closed my eyes. "No, I don't think I do."

"We can fix this," he pleaded. "We can go back to how it was. I can change."

"It's too late," I said. "What's been done cannot be undone. There's no going back."

"What am I supposed to do, then?"

"I want you to leave. No, I'm ordering you to leave," I said. "You can return periodically to visit our child, but you're going to leave my sight and never come back. I can't make you end the marriage legally, but in all other ways, as far as I'm concerned, it's over."

I heard him stifle a sniffle. I felt the weight leave the bed, and the door open and shut again. The gravity of what I had told him shattered me, but then it freed me. I was free from saying wrong or doing wrong. The taste was intoxicating.


	3. Just Change

Part 3: Just Change

"Am I old?" I asked Lor, as I peered at myself in the mirror. My hair seemed to be getting more green and less blonde. My face had slimmed down, my baby cheeks were gone, and when I looked ever so closely, I swore I could see crow's feet cropping up in the corners of my eyes.

"You're only twenty-one, you're not exactly pulling out the walker yet."

"I feel old," I sighed. "I feel as though I've lived a lifetime."

"In a way, you have. You've lived more in your twenty-one years than most people do in a hundred."

I walked over to his bed where he sat, watching me, taking me in. He sat on the very edge, his hands in his lap. His wide-eyed crystalline gaze absorbed the sight of me. I straddled him and sat in his lap. His hands took me by the waist. His thumbs caressed me gently. I nuzzled his neck as we pulled into an embrace. I nibbled his ear playfully; he shuddered in response. I pushed him forcefully on his back, and he smiled that perfect smile.

"Woman, you are trying to kill me," he said.

"When can we work out these frustrations?" I purred softly.

"I told you, when you have your divorce."

"But I've been waiting so long!" I whined. "You deny me over and over. I told you, I'll have it, soon. But you know Torn, he's so stubborn."

He took me by the shoulders and pulled me onto his chest. The warmth was comforting. I rested my slender fingers on his clavicle, stroking gently.

"You said so yourself, it will be soon," he whispered. "You've held out this long. You can wait just a little longer."

"I feel like I'm going to explode, sometimes. Sometimes I just lie awake at night, imagining it."

"Let me help your imagination a little, then," he whispered. He kissed my forehead softly, and then my chin; he moved down and kissed either side of my neck. Finally his lips came to rest on mine. I felt fingertips light stroking up my leg, and then moving up under the thin fabric of my pastel yellow dress. He found a spot on my thigh just below my buttock and squeezed. I gasped against his lips, and he parted the kiss to purr in my ear.

"Oh, my sweet Janovah..."

He pushed me onto my back and climbed on top of me. I wrapped my long legs around his waist and he smothered my mouth in a kiss once more. But suddenly, we heard footsteps rapping down the hallway. He lifted his head to look over at his shoulder, and then got up and scooped me into his arms. I giggled as he carried me over to his closet door. He opened the door and dumped me on the floor. I laughed as he began to shut the door.

"Quiet, missy," he whispered. He gave me a quick wink and a smile and shut the door. I heard the apartment door open, and muffled talking. After a few moments, the door shut and I heard his footsteps approach. He opened the door, and helped me to my feet.

"You're wanted in the infirmary," he said.

"What for? I asked.

"Dunno, but you better go on."

I leaned in and spoke in his ear. "Trying to kick me out before you give in to your passions?"

"Woman, you better get," he threatened.

I giggled as I started to walk away. He gave me a crisp smack on the ass and I squealed. He laughed at me, and I stumbled out of the room in a fit of laughter.

* * *

><p><p>

The walls of the hall entering into the infirmary were shorter compared to the rest of the palace; Everything was white, shiny, and clean. I could hear the sound of my bear feet padding down the hall along with the loud stamping of the guard following me. As I reached to foyer, Ret approached me, looking serious. He nodded at the guard, and the guard turned and walked away.

"Madam," he said. "I'm afraid I have some rather grave news."

"What is it?"

"Samos has taken ill," he said. "His source of power, the life seed, is withering."

I felt a pain grow in the pit of my stomach. "Why?"

"He is old," he said. "It's the natural course of life."

"May I see him?"

"Of course."

We walked across the foyer and through the double doors. We walked around the central station, which was buzzing with doctors and nurses. We went around a corner and down a long corridor, to a room on the end. We walked into a sitting room, with several couches and a table in the center. Kat and my mother were sitting on one, and across the room, I saw Torn holding Janosikah, now a year old. He looked up and saw me, panic spreading across his face. He set our son down and hurriedly got up to leave.

"Take him with you," I said.

He picked up Janosikah again in his arms. Janosikah was babbling and smiling, chewing on his tiny fingers. He walked out of the room without a word. I walked over to the couch where my mother and sister were sitting, and touched each of their hands. They both squeezed mine in response, but didn't look at me. I walked to the other side of the room, to the sliding glass door. There were curtains over the glass. I carefully slid the door open and stepped inside.

I shut the door behind me and looked at t he sight before me. Samos lay on a bed, next to a window. He looked ill; his color was lightened and more wrinkles dominated his face. I took a seat next to the bed.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Like an old man," he said.

"I saw Torn out there," I laughed. "He fears me. I can see it in his eyes."

"He should fear you. Everyone should fear you. You're the most powerful person in the world."

"And yet," I sighed. "I can't make him divorce me. I can't make him give up his title of King Consort or let me be free."

"I don't think he's doing it out of spite," Samos said. "If he wanted to spite you, he could tell everyone your darkest secrets. He could destroy you."

"If he destroyed me, he'd destroy our child. So I think spite is not out of the question."

"I worry for you. I see the affinity you have with the General. It perturbs me."

"There's nothing inappropriate going on. He wouldn't allow himself that unless Torn gave me the divorce."

"And that's what perturbs me. If he was simply enraptured, I wouldn't see why he would be so anxious to have you oust your husband."

"Are you suggesting that he's trying to marry me? Trying to claim the power that he thinks Torn has?"

"Even if he is estranged from you, Torn has considerable power. He has the power to make split-second decisions if you're unavailable to make them. If something happened to you, he would be the caretaker of the throne until your son could take his place."

"The divorce was my idea," I said. "Lor tried to talk me out of it."

"How hard did he try?"

I stood, silent, looking at him.

"Perhaps my suspicions are unwarranted," Samos said. "Perhaps all is well and he is just a man of strong convictions. But be hesitant to place your trust in the ones who offer you such service."'s

I nodded. I felt an ache in heart. Not because of the doubts that he expressed, but for his condition.

"They told me the life seed is withering," I said.

"It is. It withers, dies, and comes back. The cycle of life."

"But when it comes back, you'll be okay, right?"

"That's not how it works," he said. "When the life seed reaches the end of a cycle, it must be passed to a new sage, chosen by the old one, and then infused with power."

"So you're going to die?" I whispered.

"Everyone dies, my dear."

"But I need you," I said. "I couldn't have made it to the throne without you. And from what you and the other advisors have been saying, my place is not secure."

"No leader's place is ever secure," he said. "I have faith in you. Your city does, as well."

I got up and stepped back. I cleared my throat.

"As leader of Haven City, I'm granting you a retirement and I will gift you with your own personal estate in Haven Forest. Your living expenses will be covered from my personal exchequer."

"You don't have to do that," he grumbled. "Too much fuss."

"I owe you much more than that."

"Bah, you owe me nothing," he said. "It occurs to me that I may have acted like a jerk every now and again."

"You did it to protect me," I said.

"Not always," he confessed. "In the beginning, you must understand I had quite a resentment for your father. I placed all my hope and faith in him and I was so hopeful for his future with my daughter. But he deceived her, deceived everyone. He let the darkness consume him, and we had to take you to safety. A life as a young princess was much too dangerous. But when I saw you so many years later, you were so much like him, in appearance and personality. It drudged up the old feelings of hurt and disappointment."

"Why was I in danger?"

"Jak was unstable, becoming more and more violent," he said. "Keira didn't want to consign to his plan of making her give you to him and Ashlein. And Dash was so fiercely protective of you, she wouldn't leave your side. In the end, Jak hated her. Jak wanted to get rid of anything having to do with her."

"Why did he hate her? I thought they were soul mates or something."

"Dash saved his life. Having Daxter find his way into the prison was her doing. Dash gave crucial information to the Underground despite her scruples, and she did it for him. She wasn't a part of the Underground, she wanted to appeal to the Baron rather than overthrow him."

"Why?" I scoffed.

"She always said she was the only one who ever saw his humanity."

"I suppose I can't judge, I never met the man."

"Dash was caught giving information. She tried to flee and turned to Jak and the Underground for shelter, but was denied. They felt she was a liability because her so called 'sympathy for the devil'. When I was very young, as I have told you, I led the movement. And my biggest regret is turning her away, so she could disappear."

"But what happened? After the war, and after the first dark maker invasion?"

"Dash came back into the picture, and tried to rekindle her relationship with Jak. They did, for a while, but at the same time he was courting Keira and Ashlein."

"And he chose Ashlein."

"No, he didn't have a choice. Keira and Dash found out and walked. But Keira had an unexpected consequence."

"Me."

"Yes, she had become pregnant. And it hurt me so. She was in a terrible situation. I hurt for her so much. And I saw it happen to you."

"But then what happened? How did Kat come into the picture?"

"After leaving Haven City, Keira took you to Spargus. It was her original intention to raise you there. She became involved with the King of Spargus, Sig. They wanted to get married, but it was counter-productive to keeping you safe from Jak. There was only one option, and that was for them to distance themselves from the two of you."

"Kat and I," I said. "Keira told me that he was her father."

"The only way to keep you safe was to have you live among the orphans of Spargus."

"What happened to my father?"

"Jak was the creator of Haven City, he was Mar. He had to leave to fulfill his destiny. So a new government was put into place, a weak one, but it was enough to hold things together until you surfaced again. Until you stumbled into Dash, who took you to Haven City. She brought you to Torn because it was time."

"Why did Daxter stay with me?" I asked. "Wasn't he Jak's friend?"

"Yes, but Jak had to what he did alone. So he stayed with one part of Jak he could hold on to."

"It was Rin who told me that I was the Princess," I said. "Once you found me, why didn't you tell me all of this then?"

"You were so young, so fragile. We had to be sure you were strong enough. We brought you back to the world slowly. It would have been such a shock to the system to someone as young as you."

"I'm guessing what happened with Torn was not part of the plan."

"No. We wanted to kill him for getting so close. We tried to make him back off at all costs. He was much too old for you, and you needed to focus on winning the fight. When he did eventually walk away it was too late."

"So he broke up with me because you asked him to?"

"Yes, but then he told me what you had tried to do to yourself and then we couldn't allow you to be alone."

"I saw the way you beat him when I told you I was pregnant," I laughed.

"Damn that ignorant fool," Samos said. "I told him he could be a comfort to you, not get into your pants. He knew better. He knew better from the start. Getting so intimate with a young girl like that, makes me so angry!"

"Lor says he's a pompous jerk," I said. "And Dash once said that before he met me he didn't have an intimate bone in his body. He was always rough and tough and pushed people away. What changed?"

"Who knows?" he shrugged. "Maybe he just wanted something to change."

"Do you think people can change?"

"Nope."

* * *

><p><p>

I opened the door to Torn's chamber without knocking first; I hoped I wouldn't walk in on naked time or anything, but knocking seemed to apologetic. I saw him sitting on a chair, holding Janosikah in his arms. He looked up at me in surprise.

"I want you to take Janosikah with you," I said. "For a while. While Samos is ill. There's going to be a lot of sadness around here and I think even a child that young would pick up on it."

"O-okay," he stammered, confused. "You're making it really hard for me to avoid you like you asked me to when you come into my bedroom unannounced. You could have sent someone to tell me this."

"I wanted to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"Why won't you concede to the divorce?"

He sighed, and set Janosikah on the floor. Janosikah wobbled on his two legs over to another chair and plopped down beside it.

"I still have hope," he said. "I fucked up, I admit that. I was cold and unkind to you. But it's the way that I was before everything happened. But when I first met you, I felt there was no time to be cold. But then, when everything worked out..."

"Do you think you could change?"

He got up out of the seat and walked over to me. He tried to touch my face, but I backed away and shook my head.

"Janovah," he whispered. "I could change, and I would willingly change to have you back."

"People don't change," I muttered.

"Do you still have hope?" he asked.

"No."

"I don't believe you," he said. "If that were true, why are you here? Why are you standing in front of me, asking me this?"

"I don't know," I sighed.

"Do you love someone else?"

"I wasn't and am not having an affair," I said.

"But you love someone else," he said. "I can see it. But you should know this; no matter how hard you push me away, you still belong to me."

"You're lying to yourself if you believe that," I said. "By denying me my divorce, you're prolonging both your unhappiness and mine."

"Do you remember the first time we made love?"

"What?" I asked. "We can't discuss this in front of Janosikah."

"He's just barely about to turn one," he said. "He has no idea what we're talking about."

"Maybe I don't wanna talk about it."

"I was your first," he said. "And you were scared, but I held you the whole time. And you held on to me. And we made a beautiful child."

Memories were flashing through my head; skin. Teeth. Hair. Breath on my skin. I could feel goosebumps raising on my skin.

"And I stopped you from killing yourself. I showed you what I had to give you and you couldn't do that after what you saw."

"How is this relevant to anything?"

"I could give you that again," he said. He leaned forward and spoke into my ear. "I could give you that feeling every night."

I pushed him back. I could feel my face growing hot and flustered.

"I have to go," I said. "I have a dinner meeting."

I turned and ran out of the room.

* * *

><p><p>

As I walked down the hallway, Lor ran up to my side.

"Who were you talking to earlier?" he asked. "What's wrong? You look upset, and your face is red."

"That's just my baby daddy," I said.

"He came to see you?" he said. "Against your orders?"

"I went to talk to him," I said. We turned a corner and entered my bedroom.

"Why?"

"I wanted to ask him why he wouldn't give me a divorce."

"What did he say?"

"He said he still has hope. He says he could change."

"People can't change."

"Yeah, that's what Samos said."

I sat down on the end of my bed and sighed. He sat next to me, stroking my hair softly.

"Samos fears that you're using me," I said. "He said that he's afraid that you want to take Torn's place as King Consort."

"Janovah, I would never do that," he said. "You know I love you."

"He thinks the fact that you won't sleep with me is suspicious," I said. "He thinks if you were really enraptured, you wouldn't deny me."

"I won't sleep with you because I don't want to destroy your marriage," he said. "You have to be the one to end it."

"It's already over," I said. "It was over when I sent him away from the palace. He might be married to me legally but that shouldn't matter to you. I don't want him anymore. I want you."

"But if we had children," he whispered. "People would assume they were his children. And if I said anything otherwise their chances of the throne would be hurt."

"A divorce is not out of the question in the future," I said. "But right now..."

"I can't, Janovah, I've told you so many times, I must stick to my convictions."

"Please," I whispered. "Just show me what it is you have to give to me."

He looked me in the eyes, pondering. I could see the gears turning in his head.

"Okay," he whispered.

He captured my lips in a kiss, pushing me on to my back. His hands glided up my legs, resting on my waist. I slid my hands under his shirt and up his stomach to his chest, taking in the warmth. I clutched the fabric and pulled it over his head, exposing his muscular, creamy chest. He took the bottom of my dress and slid it off my body. He looked at me, taking in the sight. He touched a scar on my stomach, and leaned down and brushed it lightly with is lips. I gasped a little.

"So many," he whispered.

* * *

>He kissed each scar tenderly, and brushed his lips on my neck. I ran my hands through his hair, breathing in his ear. He leaned up again to take his belt off. He cast it off to the side and started to take off his pants. When he finished, he leaned back down onto me. I wrapped my legs around his naked hips, and slid my fingers back into his hair. He pushed me down into a smoldering kiss as we became entangled in our intimacy.<p><p>

My stomach twisted in a knot as I vomited into the toilet once more. I sat on my hands and knees, shaking in the bathroom.

"Damn, Janovah," I heard Kat say behind me. "Don't you know what the hell birth control is?"

"I've been using it!" I protested. "I've been taking the pill!"

"Congrats, fertile myrtle."

"Shut up."

"What are you gonna do?" Kat asked. "What if Torn finds out?"

"Like I give a crap what he thinks. It's not him I'm worried about."

"I would think your sexy lovestruck general would bursting with joy."

"He was adamant that he wanted to wait to have children. A long time. Because with my legal marital status, it won't be recognized as his."

"When did you start taking the pill?"

"A few days before the first time."

"How many times have you done it?"

"Too many to count. Seriously, almost every night."

"Nice."

"I know. When Torn and I first got married we did it maybe every other week before he started being an ass."

"I'll tell you what, you tell Lor and I'll tell grandfather."

"Tell him what?"

"About Tara and I. It's about time."

"I've been working on a new act, I think you'll like it."

I got up and wiped my mouth and smiled at her.

"I'm going to pass an act that legalizes marriage between two consenting adults, regardless of gender."

She threw her arms around me and squeezed.

"Not so hard," I said. "I'm queasy."

She let go. "Sorry," she laughed. "I'm so happy! Thank you, thank you thank you!"

"You should tell her," I said. "And go pick out a dress."

"But mom..." she muttered.

"I'll deal with it."

She was bouncing with joy, unutterably happy. It was the first time I'd seen her truly happy in a very long time.

* * *

><p><p>

I sat at the breakfast table, laughing amongst the distinguished guests who often joined me for meals. There was a new one with us, the winner of the racing championships. His name was Wes; he was somewhat short with braided brown hair and a large nose. He sat to the right of me, and Lor sat to the left.

"Majesty," Wes said. "With your permission, I'd like to announce something."

"Of course," I smiled.

"My lords and ladies, I found out this morning that my wife is expecting."

There were mutterings of congratulations and some quiet applause. Wes took his seat again.

"I do congratulate you, Wes," I began. I swallowed hard. "Not to overshadow this joyous news, but I also discovered this morning, that I too am pregnant."

There were outcries of joy. Wes took my hand and kissed it.

"Oh, congratulations your majesty!" he said. "I am so happy for you and the King Consort. Another little prince or princess milling around this glorious home of yours."

I smiled, but when I turned to look at Lor, he was staring at me with his eyes wide in shock.

"But Majesty, I was to understand that you and the King Consort were currently estranged," came a voice. I looked over at who said that. I recognized the woman to be Dia, the noble woman who poked and prodded me at the dinner party several years ago. She had a pension for asking overly personal questions.

"They are," Lor choked out. I looked at him seriously.

"Well I'm sure there's no doubt on the paternity," she said. She was eyeballing me and then glanced at Lor. "Perhaps this happy event will..." she sighed with a sly smile. "Bring you and the King Consort back to how things were. I do remember how young and merry you two were."

"Unlikely," Lor mumbled quietly.

"How long has it been since you two have spoken? I'm sure you speak often considering you have a child together."

"Mistress Dia, you are too bold," I said. The whole table went silent.

"Forgive me, Majesty. It was not my place." I could tell she was not sincere.

* * *

><p><p>

Lor opened and shut the door quickly but quietly. I sat on my bed, watching him pace about the room nervously.

"I have no words," he said. "I can't even begin...I just...I can't believe this."

"Aren't you happy?" I asked.

"Of course I am, I'm overjoyed," he said. "But you see they're already starting to talk."

"Dia was the Baron's neice, she's bitter. She likes to put her nose in everything."

"Janovah, everyone knows that you and Torn don't speak. You think they don't see how much time we spend together? What if somebody were to see me leaving your room at night, or walking out of it with you in the morning?"

"Let them talk," I said. "It makes no difference. I am the Queen. I am my father's daughter and there is no doubt about my place here anymore."

"I shouldn't have..." he mumbled. "I shouldn't have given in...I should have known this would happen..."

"Don't you dare walk out on me," I said.

"I wouldn't," he sighed. "Not now, I wouldn't dream of it."

"Come here," I said. He walked over and I took his hand.

"Everything will be alright," I said. "In all matter of things. I promise you, my love."

"Okay," he sighed. "I trust you."

"Now come with me."

I got up and took his hand. We exited the room. And we walked down the hall, hand-in-hand. As we passed people, there was whispering, and uncomfortable stares. We walked across the palace in this fashion, not looking at anyone. I reached the entrance of the infirmary, and then I kissed him. He was stiff and fearful, but didn't resist. The whispers intensified.

"I'm going to see Samos now," I said. "I will see you later at the luncheon, General."

"Of course, Madam," he said.

I turned my back on the gossiping masses and walked through the door.

* * *

><p><p>

I entered Samos' room. He was still bed-ridden, looking even more ill than before. He saw me enter and scowled.

"Girl," he threatened. "If I had my cane I'd be beating you senseless right now."

"So I suppose you heard the good news?"

"Among other things, such as how you strutted down here with your man-mistress."

"I like to call him my 'manstress'."

"You think this is funny?"

"A little," I confessed. "As much as I've been through, I'm not sure if I can take anyone's shock and outrage over my love life that seriously."

"This child's legitimacy is in question, you do realize this, right?"

"I'll handle it," I said. "But I have something I need to ask you."

"What is it?"

"It occurs to me that I was told that Ashlein died in childbirth with me. Seeing as Ashlein was not my mother, and from what my sources tell me, unable to even have children, how did she die?"

"She was murdered," he said. He looked very uncomfortable.

"By whom?"

"I don't know, nobody does."

"I don't believe you," I said. "If you really didn't know, you would have told me in our first conversation about my history."

"This is not going to be easy for you to hear," he said. "But there has been allegations, brought against Dash. It's suspected that she murdered Ashlein, in an elevator. She was indicted, investigated. But she disappeared before the investigations were finished. And there really was not a lot of evidence aside from motive."

"What sort of motive?"

"They hated each other," he said. "Absolutely loathed each other. Ashlein sought to get rid of her long before Jak came into the picture."

"And why is that?" I asked. "What reason did they have for such hatred before there was even a man to fight over?"

"There's rumors that Dash was the Baron's mistress. Torn said that she told him so, and raised quite a stink about it. I'm rather doubtful on all this, although it could explain how they grew such a close personal relationship."

"I'm sure he's mistaken," I mumbled. "Did Kat come and talk to you?"

"She did," he said. "I'm not sure I quite understand it, but I'm old fashioned I suppose. These days I'd be okay with her joining a nudist colony if it made her happy."

"She is happy," I said.

"Then I suppose that's all that matters."

* * *

><p><p>

I walked out of the conference room, hand on my growing stomach. The familiar feeling of pregnancy was taking over. The symptoms were much worse the first time, intense sickness and heartburn racked my body daily. As I was walking, I saw Tara striding up to me.

"You ruined everything," she hissed.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Kat told her mother, she flipped."

"She'll come around," I insisted. "I'll talk to her."

"I know this was your idea," she growled. "We were happy and you had to take that away. And why? Because your marriage sucks? Because you can't stay faithful to anyone? Because you're so unhappy all the time?"

"You're out of line!" I said. "Kat wanted to tell, and I supported her."

"This is your fault," she said.

"What is wrong with you?" I said.

"I should kick your ass, right here and now!"

"You had best keep in mind that even though I'm four months pregnant, I could whoop your little ass up and down. I have powers that you can't even imagine, little girl. And when I'm done, you can rot in jail for treason. Is that what you want?"

She scoffed and stamped off in a rage. I walked to Kat's room and knocked. When she opened the door, I saw a fresh bruise on her face. Rage started to build in me. She let me in and closed the door.

"I was going to tell you that I had talked to Tara," I said. "But I see now that instead of a talk, she needs a whooping. A whooping with a belt."

"She has completely lost her mind!" she laughed nervously. "I mean, she is coo-coo bananas! When I told mom and mom got super mad, Tara started screaming all these freaky accusations about how you're trying to get rid of me and stuff. When I told her off she fucking punched me!"

"Why didn't you kick her ass?" I asked. "Girl, you could have done some damage. I know how you can fight."

"I couldn't," she sighed. "Even though it's over and she's a crazy bitch, I still love her. I can't hurt her."

"I'm going to have her arrested," I said. "Assaulting a princess is about twelve kinds of illegal."

"Princess?" she laughed. "Like I could ever be Queen. I'm not Jak's child. No one would raise a bastard queen to the throne."

"Just pray really hard that Torn, Janosikah and I die suddenly. But please make it a quick, painless death, I'd hate for it hurt too much."

She laughed. "You know, it's so hard not to be jealous of you. I've been jealous since I was born. You were always the better fighter, the chosen one, the crown princess and now the Queen. You've always been the beacon of hope."

"It's a huge burden," I said. "It's not the paradise you think it is. You have to please everyone all at once. True friends are few and far between."

"So I guess the grass is dead and full of crocadog shit on both sides, then."

* * *

><p><p>

I walked into my room after a long day of meetings and schmoozing. I walked over to my bed, and kicked off my shoes. I sat down on my bed, and when I looked up, I saw Torn standing there, arms crossed, glaring.

"So it's true," he said, looking at me. "You lied to me."

"What the hell are you doing?" I said. "I told you not to come around me."

"And yet you can burst into where I am whenever you please?"

"Get out," I ordered.

"You said you weren't having an affair. You said there was nothing going on!"

"There wasn't until after we talked."

Just then, Lor entered the room. As he shut the door, he saw Torn standing there, and looked at me, confused.

"Janovah, what's going on?" he asked.

Torn lept over to him and punched him square in the jaw. Lor rubbed his face as Torn turned around, shaking his injured fist. But Lor jumped on him while his back was turned, knocking him to the ground. He put his knee on Torn's chest and started wailing on his face, bloodying his nose.

"Stop it!" I screamed.

He didn't listen, and kept hitting Torn. Torn reached up and grabbed Lor by the throat. Lor was gasping for breath but continued to beat him.

"I said stop it!" I screamed again, louder. "I am your Queen and you obey me! Stop fighting right now or I will have you both arrested!"

Lor stopped and got up, cradling his hand. Torn lay on the ground, bleeding from his nose and mouth. He tried fruitlessly to wipe away the blood.

"You bastard," he gasped. "You slept with my wife."

"She's not your wife anymore," Lor said.

"You're hurt," I said to Torn. I grabbed a tissue from my night stand, walked over and knelt down beside him, and tried to wipe the blood from his bruised face.

"I don't need your pity," he hissed, smacking away my hand.

"You're bleeding everywhere," I said. "Just let me help you. Let me take you down to the infirmary."

"Get away from me, you heartless bitch," he hissed again. He pulled himself off the ground, stumbling out of the door, leaving a trail of blood drops behind him. Lor came up beside me, and bent down to touch my shoulder, but I pulled away.

"Janovah," he whispered. "I'm so sorry. Please. I should have been the better man. Please forgive me."

"I need to go after him," I said. "He's hurt, and I need to make sure that he's okay."

"Do what you need to do," he sighed.

* * *

><p><p>

I ran out of the door, and found Torn bleeding on the floor of the hall way. I walked over to him and knelt beside him again. This time, he didn't try to push me away.

"You're not heartless," he gasped. "If that were true, I suppose you wouldn't be here trying to help me."

"Come on," I whispered, pulling him to his feet. I cradled his head on my shoulder and carefully walked him down the hallway to the infirmary. I found him a room and set him down on the bed. I got a washcloth, dampened it, and proceeded to clean his face. He caught me by wrist, gently, and looked at me.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked. "I'm sure a doctor or a nurse could handle this."

"You would do the same for me," I said.

"I have," he said. "I remember, after your fight with Rin that one night, I stitched you up and took care of you."

"That you did," I said quietly.

"Go," he said. "You're so tired. I'll be fine."

"Okay," I whispered. He let go of my wrist. As our hands parted, our fingers grazed...and I almost swore I could feel a touch of warmth.

* * *

><p><p>

I walked back into my room, and shut the door quietly behind me. Lor was still there. I could see he had cleaned the blood from the floor. He walked over to me and embraced me, stroking my back.

"How is he?" he said.

"He's fine," I said against his shoulder.

"Please tell me I have your forgiveness," he whispered

"Yes," I said. "Always."

We climbed into my bed together, and he wrapped his arm around my waist, and kissed my hair lightly.

"Do you believe people can change?" I muttered into the darkness.

"Yes," he whispered. "Everybody can change if they need to."

I closed my eyes, and I felt hot tears boil over my cheeks. I opened my eyes again, and saw glowing, blue streaks on my wrist.


	4. First Flight

Part 4: First Flight

I looked down from the top of the tower. I could barely see the people on the ground milling about, it was so high. They had no idea what I was about to do. I stood on the very edge, my toes curling over the edge. No, I would need a running start.

I backed up about twenty feet. I looked out into the sky, splotched with only a few clouds. The air was crisp and cool up here. I gathered my courage and closed my eyes, visualizing what I was going to do. At last, I was ready. I bounded forward at full speed. I could hear my breath growing faster and my heart racing. As I reached the edge, I leaped forward, and my whole body began to plummet through the air. I outstretched my body, in a cold and furious free fall. I summoned the energy inside me, pulling it out of its slumber.

I could see the people clearly now, looking up at me in shock and horror. I laughed inwardly. And then, as I had planned, my golden wings materialized out of my shoulders. I flapped them hard, sending me upwards again. The feeling was intoxicating. I knew I was not really flying, but falling still, just slowly and gracefully. I was a golden goddess floating to the earth. I flapped rhythmically, but not too fast, I reminded myself; if I flapped too fast, I'd lose control and fall. Slowly, slowly I came closer to the ground, until I landed on my feet, and my knee bowed forward to catch the weight of my whole body. As I touched the marble floor of the courtyard, I could feel my whole body tingle. My wings dissipated into fiery sparks. My eyes were locked to the ground, and I could gasps of amazement. I looked up at the people standing all around, mouths agape with awe. As I stood up, cheers erupted in a deafening roar. I smiled. I turned around back to towards the Palace and I saw Lor standing there, his jaw wide open and his eyes almost bursting right out of his skull.

"You're insane," he laughed. "That was insane. I'd heard stories about your light powers and that you could fly, but holy shit...I just...You scared the hell out of me!"

"That was the point," I laughed. "I know how to make an entrance."

"What did it feel like?"

"I can't describe it," I said. "It's the most amazing rush. I haven't done it in so long, and now...I feel like I can really breathe. It makes you feel so alive, like before that moment you'd never really lived."

"I thought you'd gone crazy for a second," he said. "I was scared when I saw you falling."

"Are you mad?"

"No, I trust you," he said. "If I had known you were able to do that, I would have just watched in amazement rather than nearly shit myself."

"Torn would have shit himself anyway," I giggled.

"We have a council meeting to get to," he said. "Come on."

As we walked through the front doors of the Palace, applause erupted through the hall. Word of my feat had already reached all ears. A feeling of pride swelled in me. I was their heroine, the chosen one.

"Thank you everyone!" I shouted, waving at the gathering masses. Lor smiled cheerfully and put his arm around me. Suddenly, an angry voice cut through the praise.

"Janovah, whore queen!"

Everyone stopped and started murmuring with discontent, trying to find the source of insult. I was confused as well, but decided not to pay it any mind.

"You jelly?" I laughed. The crowd laughed with me. We walked through the doorway and the massive doors closed behind us, leaving us with only a few scattered people in the corridor.

"Did that bother you?" Lor asked.

"No," I said. "Haters gonna hate. We knew there would be a few dissenters about our relationship. I'm surprised there's not more."

"Perhaps they're smarter than we thought. Perhaps they realize it's a match of true souls, instead of a dirty affair."

Dia then strolled up to me, looking disgustingly smug.

"Majesty," she said. "That was quite a rude interruption to your fanfare."

"Can't please everyone, I suppose," I shrugged.

"That quite true," she said, her thin lips curled into a sickening smile.

"That reminds," I said. "I remember being told that back in the day, the Baron had quite a few affairs, with numerous mistresses. And yet, everyone feared him so much, no one dared call him names. You see, Lady Dia, I choose to rule with kindness and compassion, and an unfortunate side effect is that people have the right to judge me in the open. But I would rather win support through my compassion rather than force. That's how a true leader does things. Take note."

She looked entirely crestfallen and defeated. And as if to add insult to injury, I said, "You know, there is this market down the road from here. It's on the right side, it's owned by a lovely Lurker family, they carry this organic teeth whitener that works miracles, from what I've heard."

I could see her turning purple with rage as she placed a hand to her mouth. Lor and I continued to walk forward, and as I passed her, I said cheerfully, "You have a good day, Lady Dia."

"Love, that was so awesome," he said quietly. "You skills of backhandedness have come a long way. I'm proud."

"Nothing can bring me down today," I smiled. "Today, I am invincible."

"Majesty!" I heard a frantic voice calling. It was Ret, my secretary. He was sprinting towards me. "Majesty! You have been summoned the infirmary right away!"

"Samos," I sighed.

"Yes madam," he nodded. "I'm afraid he has taken a turn for the worse. The doctors say you should come with great haste."

"I'll come with you," Lor said.

"No," I said. "I need to go alone. Please send my apologies to the council, will you?"

"There will be no apologies necessary," he said. He took my hand and squeezed it. "Come find me afterwards."

I nodded, and he released my hand. I walked quickly with Ret by my side, hurrying to my grandfather's bedside.

* * *

><p><p>

I entered the sitting room of Samos' hospital suite. I saw Torn sitting on one of the couches, holding Janosikah. My eyes could hardly believe how big he had gotten. He was a big, healthy toddler. I walked over to him and knelt down.

"Mommy?" Janosikah said in a sleepy state.

"Hello my little darling," I said. I petted his head full of red-brown hair. He unwrapped himself from Torn and climbed into my lap.

"I told you not to bring him here while this is going on," I said quietly to Torn.

"He should see his great-grandfather before he goes to sleep," Torn whispered. I could tell he was using "go to sleep" instead of "die" as not to alarm Janosikah, who was so sensitive.

"Mommy, Daddy says that Papa Samos has to go to sweep forever. Tell Daddy that's not twue."

"My sweet boy," I murmured. "It is true, he has to go to sleep."

"By why?" he sobbed into my shoulder.

"Papa Samos is very sick, he's in pain," I said. "They can't fix his boo boo, but when he goes to sleep, he won't hurt from the boo boo anymore."

"What kind of boo boo does he have? Can't you fix it, Mommy? Daddy says you have magic tears that can fix anything, he said you fixed a boo boo once."

The pain that hit me was overwhelming. How could I tell my two year old that everybody dies? That everybody grows old and dies? When I was a little girl, I saw death all around me, whether from old age, illness, or injury from fighting in the stadium or in Wasteland. I never had to question death, I was conditioned to it. I was used to it. But Janosikah had been growing up as many children these days did, free of fear and ubiquitous death. Thanks to me.

"There are some things Mommy can't fix," I whispered. I felt tears swelling in my eyes, blurring my vision.

"I still don't unnerstand why he has to go to sweep," he said. He wrapped his arms around my neck.

"I don't know either, sweetheart," I whispered.

"It's okay," Torn said. "You can tell him the truth. It's better that way, I promise."

"Mommy?" Janosikah said, confused.

"When people get old," I choked, "Really old, like Papa Samos, or sometimes if they're very sick or they have a bad boo boo, they have to go to sleep."

Janosikah uncurled himself from me, looking frightened.

"Do I have to go to sweep?" he said. "I don't wanna go to sweep! I'll neber go to sweep! You're lying! Daddy, tell Mommy she's a liar!" He got up and began running across the room, wailing. "I'll neber go to sweep again! Neber neber and you can't make me!"

I felt the tears spill over on to my cheeks.

"Go to Samos now," Torn said. "I'll handle this. Hurry, don't let him see the tears."

I got up and walked over to the door leading into the bedroom. As I passed through the door, I could still hear Torn trying to console our son.

I saw Kat and my mother sitting in chairs next to the bed. Samos was asleep, taking slow, shallow breaths. He had monitors all around him, keeping track of his pulse and blood pressure. I knew what they were for; waiting for the moment of death.

Kat took my hand and pulled me into a chair between them. She started to stroke my hair.

"Are you alright?" she whispered.

"I just had to tell my toddler that everyone dies," I said. "That one day, he's going to die. He didn't take the news well."

"He'll be okay," she sighed.

"How is he?" I asked.

"He's in and out," my mother choked through her tears. "Sometimes he groans. He's talked a couple of times."

"What did he say?" I asked.

"He told me that he loved me," my mother said. "He also said that to Kat. He told her to find her happiness. And he was asking for you."

"I should have come sooner," I murmured.

"What were you doing?" she hissed. "Jumping off of buildings? Showboating for the people, when you should have been here."

"Mom, I-"

"You should have been here!" she yelled. Samos then gave an uncomfortable groan.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "You didn't know, there was no way..."

"Has the doctor said anything?" I said.

"He said that despite his condition, he's stable," Kat said. "There's no way to know how long it'll last. Could be days. Weeks, even."

"If it's okay with you two, I need to check on my son," I said. Kat nodded. My mother just stared at her dying father.

I got up and walked back out into the sitting room. I saw Torn holding a sleeping Janosikah in his arms.

"Kid doesn't keep promises," I joked. "He went out pretty damn fast."

"We need to talk about him," Torn said. "He's been showing signs, of powers."

"This early?" I gasped. "Has he had any rages? God, he hasn't phased yet, has he?"

"Not dark powers, light ones. He sprouted wings a couple days, out of the blue, for a few moments. Just like the ones your father had."

"That's a relief," I sighed. "He can't kill anyone phasing into his light side."

"Not really a relief," he said. "He says he wants to fly like his mommy. He saw you out of the window."

"Do you want me to talk to him?" I asked. "I could teach him his boundaries. Show him when he can and cannot try to use his powers."

"You should," Torn said. "How old were you when you first had signs?"

"I was maybe eleven. My dark ones showed first. I had rages at first. I first phased when I was thirteen, for a few seconds, when I was alone. I didn't show my light ones until much later, when Spargus was first attacked. Seem told me how."

"Maybe it depends on upbringing," he suggested. "Janosikah has been brought up in a much happier environment than you were. And Jak wasn't born into it, as you know. He got them from outside sources."

"Maybe," I murmured. "Can I take him for a while? I haven't seen him in a long time, with you being away and all."

"Not my doing," he grumbled.

"Don't start with me," I threatened. "I want to see my child, so give him to me."

He picked up Janosikah and handed him to me, rousing him from his sleep. I took him in my arms, smoothing out his hair.

* * *

>"Come sweetheart, we're going to go play for a while," I said.<p><p>

As I walked into my room, carrying Janosikah, Lor was there waiting for me. He smiled at the sight of him and walked over to us.

"Your grace," he smiled, bowing. "The little Prince himself."

"Janny, this is Lor, the General and Mommy's special friend," I said.

"Hi," Janosikah said.

"What did I miss at council today?" I asked Lor.

"Well, your plan for economic reform is on track. Our funds are increasing rapidly, and very soon it should be time for the tax break you wanted. Our crime level is at an all-time low. Except..." he trailed off.

"Yes?"

"There's a movement forming in the city," he said. "They've named themselves after the Underground movement that toppled the Baron. But they want to topple you."

I laughed. "Topple me? The original Underground sought to get rid of the Baron to restore the original monarchy. And why would they not like me? The people are happier than ever, they love me."

"Not everyone does," he said. "There are some who believe that the Monarchy is outdated and worthless. They think that leaders should be chosen by the people they rule and not born into privilege."

"I wasn't born into privilege though," I said. "I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth, not silver. I grew up in a dirt hovel amongst orphans. Not exactly royal treatment."

"You're not one of those mean unnerground people, are you?" Janosikah said to Lor. Lor laughed, and smiled.

"Of course not," he said. I felt uneasy. His laugh was almost nervous. I decided to think nothing of it.

"Mommy, can you teach me to fly?" Janosikah asked.

"You're too young," I insisted.

"Can we go see the sky then?"

"I guess that's okay. Let's go, then."

* * *

><p><p>

I put Janosikah down on the marble flooring on the top of the tower. The wind was brisk and cool as I remembered it.

"Don't go too close to the edge dear," I told him. I turned back to Lor.

"What kind of a threat is this second movement?" I asked.

"Minimal," he said. "Their followers are few in number. They have little ammunition and none are brave enough to make a direct threat on your life."

"I want patrols stepped up anyway. Assume everyone is innocent, but I want ears and eyes wide open at all times."

"I don't think that's necessary," he said. "It would dip into our financial growth and delay the tax cuts."

"Then so be it," I said. "I can't take that chance. If they're willing to do harm to me, they'd have to take out Janosikah too. I can't allow that to happen."

"Janovah," he said. "I sincerely doubt anyone would want to hurt your son, even if they want you out of office so badly."

"You will do as I say," I said. "I might be sharing your bed, but keep in mind that I am your Queen and you will obey me."

"Yes, madam," he murmured.

"Look mommy! Watch me!" I heard Janosikah yell.

"In a moment, darling," I called back. I didn't turn to look at him.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Lor said.

"You're being suspicious," I said.

"Janovah," he said, aghast. "I'm just simply trying to advise you. Okay, I know my extensive knowledge of the movement and my hesitation to step up patrols might seem odd-"

"Suspicious," I corrected.

"I'm just looking out for the best interest of the city," he said.

"But what about my best interests?"

"Mommy, watch me! Watch me fly!"

I whipped my head around in immediate terror. I saw Janosikah running to the edge and then I saw him disappear out of view.

"Janosikah!" I screamed.

I sprinted towards the edge, hurdling myself downwards. I could see his little body flailing in the air. I tried to position myself to fall faster but it was in vain. I saw blue streaks appear around his body, his wings. He was trying to flap fruitlessly, but it was slowing him down. At last I fell passed him as he struggled to keep flight. I pulled deep from within myself and my wings erupted around me. I turned on my back, still falling, arms wide open to catch him. Finally, his wings failed and crumpled and he was streaking towards the earth again. He fell into my arms, and the impact knocked the breath out of me. I clenched his body to my own as tightly as I could, as I positioned my body to face the ground again. Janosikah gave a blood-curdling scream. There wasn't much time left. I flapped with full force, and an uptake of air slowed the fall. I carefully floated us down back to the ground, and landed with a soft thud.

I heard screams and cheers of relief and adoration all around me, but my ears were overtaken by Janosikah's fearful wailing.

"Shh," I tried to console him. "It's okay. I've got you, you're not hurt."

"I want my daddy!" he shrieked.

"Bravo, majesty!" I heard a spectator call out. "A true heroine!"

Torn came running up to us, and Janosikah jumped away from me, streaking over to him.

"He jumped!" I said. I could tell Torn was furious. "I caught him, he's okay, everyone's okay."

"This is not okay," he growled. "You were supposed to be teaching him not to do this."

"I told him not to!"

"You were supposed to be watching him!" he yelled. Torn picked him up and carried him into the Palace. I ran after them.

"Let me talk to him, please," I begged. "I need to tell him that that won't happen again if he's careful."

"It wouldn't have happened in the first place if you had your eyes on him instead of your toy," he said.

"He can't be afraid to use his powers when he needs to!" I said. "If you let him be afraid, he'll never learn and he might need them to defend himself!"

"How do you expect to do that? Because your first lesson didn't work out too well, did it?"

The doors closed behind us. The hall was mostly empty. He kept walking fast and I kept pace.

"Let me take him for a flight," I said. "I could have safety devices made. He'll be safe with me, I know what I'm doing. It'll satisfy his curiosity and he'll get over the fear!"

"Are you crazy?" he said. "No way, no way! He could be killed if you failed to launch!"

"I could have back up parachutes! I'll make it fail-proof!"

"No way!" he yelled as he disappeared into the corridor. I stopped chasing him. I knew arguing was fruitless.

* * *

><p><p>

Lor helped me strap Janosikah into the harness attached to my chest. I had taken Janosikah early from his bed while Torn was still asleep. I knew by now he'd be awake and looking for us, so I had to hurry.

"Okay," Lor said. "The string on the backpack will deploy your parachute in case of emergency. If the worst should happen, press the red button on the front of the harness. That will eject Janosikah and deploy his parachute. Then you deploy your own."

"Mommy, what are he doing?" Janosikah said. "Why am I all strapped in?"

"We're going to fly," I said. "You're strapped in to make sure you don't fall, sweetheart."

"But daddy says I can't fly!" he said. "Daddy said it was too dangerous!"

"Daddy is stupid," I mumbled. "Daddy doesn't know what he's talking about."

Lor tightened all the straps. Janosikah was strapped in facing my chest, so all he could see was the sky, not the ground.

"Ready," Lor said. "You better hurry, I'm sure Torn's going to be breaking down that door any second."

"Okay," I sighed. "Hold on tight, dear. Don't be scared, here we go!"

I started running. I was unable to see my feet because of Janosikah blocking my view. I felt my foot no longer touch ground as I fell. Janosikah held on tight, whining in fear. I outstretched my arms, feeling the morning wind tear against my hands. The breeze in my ears was deafening.

"Look at the sky!" I yelled to Janosikah over the cacophony.

After a few seconds, he too outstretched his hands. It was time. I began to try to summon my powers, but my heart sank. I felt nothing. I reached in deeper and deeper, but I felt nothing at all. Panic gripped me. I felt tears growing in my eyes. The ground was getting too close. I knew what had to be done and I had to do it now. My shaking hand reached up and pushed the red button. Janosikah tore away from my body, as I fell passed him. His parachute had deployed. I reached behind me and gripped the string. I pulled, and the string came away.

Nothing happened.

I was just seconds from the ground. I spread my weight out as much as I could, hoping to disperse the impact and survive the fall. But it was unlikely. I knew, in that one second, I was about to die. I felt nothing when the impact came. Just weightlessness. Almost as though I was floating. And my vision was black and I drifted into unconsciousness.

* * *

><p><p>

The stone floor was dusty and damp. The walls of Mar's tomb were cracked and old. I approached the ill-taken steps, to a door that never opened. I had just completed the Array of Trials, otherwise known as the Tests of Manhood. My father had once completed the same trials to reach the the precursor stone. I had come to claim the weapon, whatever it was.

Before me, two spirits appeared, a man and a woman. One was tall, muscular, with a squared jaw. His hair was done into dreadlocks, touching his shoulders. It was a pale silver-white, glowing in the incandescent moonlight. The woman was also rather tall. Her hair was long and black, descending to the small of her back. Her eyes were piercing blue, and her facial features were much smoother than the man's.

"Welcome, young warrior," the woman said. Her voice was a clear bell tone. "I am Samonuske. Beside me is my husband Damus. I assume you have come to claim the weapon, Janovah."

"Yes," I breathed. She knew my name. But considering I was talking to what looked like ghosts, it seemed par for the course.

"Present your sword," she said.

I took the heavy metallic handle jutting out from the sheath and withdrew the sword. The coppery precursor metal glittered in the dim light. Samonuske lifted her hand slightly; the blade glowed blue.

"Indeed, it is the sword of Mar," Damus said. His voice was low and hoarse.

"You have come seeking this weapon to fight Rin, no doubt?" Samonuske said.

"Yes," I replied.

"You do well to try to stop my son. I can only pray you fair better than he did."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Rin was once a great warrior like yourself, with a gift for channeling eco. But the darkness consumed him, changed him, turned him into a monster that was unrecognizable."

"What could he have done to prevent this?" I asked.

"Nothing. It was inevitable. It was a part of his destiny," she said. "Perhaps even a part of yours."

"I won't let that happen," I said.

"Here is the weapon," she said. She stepped over to me, and cupped her hands and presented an item to me. It was a golden medallion, with a twinkling ruby set in the middle. On the outer edge, there were writings in ancient precursor script.

"The final artifact of Mar," she said. "When the time comes, a cavity will form in the back of your amulet. You must place the artifact inside and bind the powers of light and dark together, to form perfect eco. The release of power will be so tremendous that it will destroy every touch the dark makers have left, undo all the damage done. But it cannot be used before the time comes."

"When will I know the time is right?" I said.

"It will happen when all is lost and hope has been crushed."

* * *

><p><p>

I was in the corner of a dark, dark room. I felt light, as though I were a ghost. No more than spectator. I could see the marble walls of the palace throne room cloaked in shadows. Rain was pouring on the glass windows, and thunder rolled in an echoing boom every few moments. I could see a man pacing in and out of the tall, towering shadows. It was a young man, perhaps my age. He wore a blue tunic and light pants. His eyes were wide and blue, and his hair was green at the roots, and yellow at the ends. It was Jak. It was my father.

Two guards walked into the room, their armor clicking and echoing off the empty walls. Jak turned his attention to them, and they bowed in silence.

"Majesty," one began. "Our investigation into the murder of the Queen Consort has turned up some rumors. There have been rumors that the murder may have been committed by Dash, former commander of the Krimzon Guard and ex collaborator of the Underground movement. The detectives recommend that we arrest and indict her on High Treason until further questioning takes place."

"Do it," he murmured. "What news have you about the kidnapping of the crown Princess? My daughter?"

"I regret to say that no new leads have sprung up. Keira, Samos and the others have simply vanished."

"They can't take her from me," he growled. "I want Janovah back here, safe. I want my special girl back. They stole her from me, just like they've taken everything else from me. Do not leave one square inch of the city untouched until you find her. And then, I want the traitors brought back here to be made examples of."

"Yes, Majesty."

* * *

><p><p>

Once again, I found myself floating as a spirit in a scene that took place long ago. I saw the front halls of the Palace. The stone walls were shiny and new. It was clear that the new Palace had just been built. And then, I saw her; Dash. She was dressed in her standard black leather outfit. Her black hair flowed beautifully. Her dark skin bore a heavy contrast from the silver tattoos that overtook her arms and face. She was young, and beautiful. I'd never seen her in such a way before. She walking silently towards the front doors, when around ten guards swarmed from all sides.

They surrounded, pointing their guns. She didn't look shocked or surprised. It was clear that she knew this was coming.

"Dash," one of the guards said. "You are determined to be a person of interest in the murder of the late Queen Consort, Ashlein. Surrender all of your weapons. We have instructions to bring you to the fortress and detain you for high treason."

She didn't react other than a smile. I could see her reaching behind her, fondling a silver, engraved handle.

"Put your hands in the air! No sudden movements!"

The movement she made was sudden indeed, swift as lightning. In a flash, the handle was out, in her hand, and a stream of molten fire spun in a long, graceful circle, hitting each guard in the head. Most dropped their weapons and screamed, clutching their burned faces. One remained armed, attempting to fire upon her, but he missed every shot, probably blinded by tears of pain. The flames subsided and she placed the whip back into the holster. Out of a sheath strapped to her hip, she withdrew a silver, curved blade. It was easily recognizable as Torn's knife. She jumped over to one of the guards that lay injured. She walked up behind him, lifting him by his armor. She wrapped one arm around his chest, and placed the knife to his throat.

"If any of you fire a shot, this man dies," she said. "I do not want to kill any of you, especially not this one. If memory serves, this man has a wife, a daughter and an infant son. But I will cut down each and every one of you if I must."

The one armed guard dropped his rifle in defeat. She began to back towards the door, dragging her hostage with her. But then, behind her, another guard stood, holding a pistol. He was dressed in yellow and blue; it must have been the commander.

"Not so fast," he said coldly to her. "War is a dirty thing, Dash. Your compassion and value for the lives of others will cost you this time." He raised the pistol to her head.

She spun rapidly, dropping her hostage, and ran her knife across his throat with speed and ferocity like I'd never seen before. Blood spurted from the commnder's neck. He gasped and gurgled, and fell to the floor, dead. A lake of blood began to pool around her feet. And then she ran. Out of sight, into the shadows...


End file.
